Quitting Drinking and Identity Shifting #3
Brittanny shares her story of quitting drinking and celebrating one year of no drinking on April 16th. Despite not being a heavy drinker, she felt that alcohol was no longer serving her and made the decision to quit. What made the process instantaneous was a shift in her identity. Brittanny stopped identifying as someone who drinks and focused on cultivating a new identity aligned with her values. In this episode, she emphasizes the importance of mindset and identity in making positive changes and encourages listeners to focus on shifting their own identities to achieve their goals.
Antonia Abbey study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4493891/
Alcohol Anonymous: https://www.aa.org/
SMART Recovery: https://www.smartrecovery.org/
https://www.instagram.com/brittanny/
Podcast artwork by Brittany Lizotte
Podcast music by Joshua Van Ness
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0:00
Welcome back to The BT lounge. I hope you're doing well. I want to talk to you today about how I quit drinking.
0:08
On April 16th, this year in 2023, I celebrated one year of not drinking. Actually, it would be April 15th on my birthday; I would say around 11 pm at night is when I officially stopped drinking, but I think the internet said it has to be your first full day. So April 16th is my anniversary of quitting alcohol.
0:29
I wanted to talk about this because the process for me was really easy, almost to the point of feeling guilty about it. But before I get into that, let me tell you about my history with drinking. Now I was not a heavy drinker. I definitely enjoyed getting buzz. But there was a point where if I felt too buzzed, not even drunk, but too buzzed, I hated it. I did not like how my body felt at all. I didn't like how my brain felt, and I definitely didn't like the hangovers. The older you get, those hangovers get real. And I was like, What am I doing this for?
1:06
It came to a head during the pandemic. We didn't drink very much in my house because we weren't going out. We bought some beers here and there or maybe some type of booze that we liked and drank, but it wasn't that much. It was the fall of 2021 when I decided that I wanted to limit my drinking. We started drinking a little bit more at home, and when I say that, it still wasn't a lot, but I didn't really find a purpose in it anymore. I think it was Thanksgiving after having my aunt and cousin over. I was like, "Oh no, I have to stop. This is not it anymore."
I told myself I would only drink on a special occasion, say, if it were Christmas or celebrating someone's birthday or something like that, I would have a drink. But for the most part, I wasn't drinking. I had a mimosa when my friends bought a house. I was invited out to a local karaoke bar and ended up having three old fashioned and then getting extremely hungover. And that moment was like, okay, maybe I don't need to drink. But here and there, I had one. Now all this is between November 2021 and April 2022. Still not drinking a lot. But every once in a while, having something but actively try not to drink.
2:23
On my birthday last year on April 15th. I got engaged, and we went to our favorite bar. I had a glass of Prosecco, and it was fine. I mean, it gave me a little bit of heartburn, but I was fine. And then someone handed me another glass, and I took one sip, looked at it, and said, "I don't drink. So why am I drinking?" I handed it to a friend to finish, and I did not have a glass of alcohol since I wanted to share a few reasons why people drink, and this is based on studies that I will be linking in the show notes.
2:56
One study done by Antonia Abbey examines two motives for why people drink alcohol, personal effect motives, and social effect motives. Personal effect motives are the personal reasons why people drink. So mostly it's to cope with something. It's escaping, avoiding, or controlling negative emotions; some drink to suppress feelings of depression, loneliness, or inadequacy. On the other hand, there are social effect motives, and that's basically to be social; it's drinking on a night out with friends, it's having a glass of wine with dinner. It's just celebrating life and having a good time, nothing wrong with that.
3:38
I want to do a disclaimer here saying that I'm not an alcoholic and that I never had a problem with drinking. I know a lot of people do, and hopefully, something I say here can help. There are definitely resources out there. If you find that you do have a problem with alcohol, I will link some resources in the show notes.
3:58
When I stopped drinking, I never called myself sober. I said I was dry because I didn't feel like the word sober was for me. When someone says they stopped drinking, people get really excited for you, and people end up reaching out. I had a lot of people reach out who had a serious relationship with alcohol. I kind of felt like a fraud for saying that I quit drinking even though it's true; I didn't go through the same experience as them. But I do like to ask, what do you think created this relationship with alcohol? Is it more a personal reason or a social reason? For my social drinkers who may not have an addiction per se to alcohol, I want to talk to you all right now.
4:44
I've come across so many people who say they want to stop drinking, but they can't because of family or friends or because the holidays are coming up, so they're going to have a few drinks, and I wonder why? Why do you have to have a few drinks? Do you think that people are going to question why you're not drinking? I've been out with people where I know someone's trying to stop drinking, and then they end up with a cocktail in front of them., because their friends, as well-meaning as they are, are questioning why that person is not drinking. Or, maybe you've worked as a bartender for years. And that's the lifestyle that you're in. It can feel weird, or maybe strange, to stop drinking.
5:24
For me, I never really feel pressured to drink. If I'm going to drink, it's basically my choice. So why bother quitting at all, then? "You don't have a problem drinking. It's not that big of a deal. You have a glass here and there; it's fine." Sure, there are health reasons not to want to drink. You don't feel good anymore. As we get older, our bodies are like, "Maybe not." Or it's a gluten thing, and beers don't sit well with you. You save a ton of money when you're not drinking; that's another factor why people stop drinking. There are so many reasons why someone would want to do it. But for me, I knew I wasn't a drinker. So, picture me taking one sip of that second glass of Prosecco, looking at it, and saying, "I'm not a drinker. Why am I drinking?" I had an identity shift at that moment. Something in my brain said, "This is not who you are. So why are you acting like this?"
6:20
If you know James Clear, he wrote Atomic Habits, it is probably the best book about habit change you'll ever read. I do have some beef with the book; I wish there were fewer examples of weight loss. But you know, someday when I have the time, God willing, maybe I'll write my own book about habit change. But for now, we have Atomic Habits. He has a great passage about identity change and uses the example of two smokers.
Now, I want you to tell me the difference between these two sentences. "I'm trying to quit smoking." "I'm not a smoker." You probably picture two different people. One person who is, you know, going through the process of quitting smoking, maybe they're super successful at, or maybe they're having a hard time, but you see someone who is going through the process of quitting smoking. The other person who says they're not a smoker is not a smoker. That's it; you don't know if they used to smoke or never smoked. All you see is a person who is not a smoker. That was it for me. "I'm not a drinker, so it would be really weird for me to start drinking if I'm not a drinker."
7:24
In Atomic Habits, there are so many different ways of slowly building your way up to creating the habit of learning what's the cue that happens when you want to grab a drink, have a smoke, or do something that you know isn't serving you anymore, and then learning what is your response to it, which then creates the habit. But for me, I jumped to the end of the book, and I created the identity first. By creating the identity of a nondrinker, all my actions lined up for that person who doesn't drink. If I'm in a situation where someone's offering free cocktails, I say don't drink. I was at a birthday party the other night, and they were passing out glasses of Prosecco, and then shots came around, and I didn't have one because I don't drink.
Maybe if I were still in the identity of "I'm trying to quit drinking," I would probably give myself a pass like, "Okay, well, I know, I'm not drinking, but it's a special occasion," but insert whatever excuse here. But now, having that identity as a nondrinker, my identity shifted into this person who makes the right choices to align with who I am—shifting my identity into the person I want to be so that person's real, not just this figment of future you. Shifting into the identity first helps you set up all your actions that align with who you are, with who that person is that you want to be.
8:54
To go back to my friends who have a more serious issue with drinking or they're an alcoholic. They're the ones who made the identity shift first. They realized, "Yes, I'm an alcoholic; that's who I am." They then set up all their actions to align with that identity. If you want to call yourself sober, an alcoholic, going dry, whatever it is, instead of focusing on what you were, the attention is now on who you are. You're a person who does not drink alcohol or insert whatever behavior that is no longer serving you.
9:34
I'm going to talk more about identity shifting on this podcast. And that's what I do with my clients. We work together on one-on-one sessions on how to embody yourself in the identity you're seeking and empowering yourself to go after the life you want. If you're interested in learning more, I'll have a link in the show notes on how we can work together, along with all the other resources I've mentioned in this podcast. I hope this was helpful, and if you have any questions, please let me know. My door's always open. Thanks again for visiting me here today at The BT Lounge, and I'll see you again next week.
